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Divorce is a profound, life-altering experience. The good news is that it is a relatively finite legal universe, while the opportunities for personal empowerment are infinite, depending on your approach. The legal issues you must consider and resolve are limited: property division, alimony\/spousal maintenance, and if there are minor children involved, custody, a contact schedule with each parent, and child support. That is it!<\/p>\n
So, before you begin divorce proceedings, you might want to take a moment to think about who might be able to help guide you to the best outcome for those discrete issues. One choice is an expensive court-based process that involves adversarial lawyers arguing with each other and then in front of a judge, about your needs and desires. The other is doing it on your own. The latter is a more unconventional choice. Let\u2019s take a closer look at its nuances to help you understand if it\u2019s the right fit for you.\u00a0<\/p>\n
Pro se means \u201con your own\u201d\u2014 as in, no lawyer, but still operating within the adversarial legal family court system. How adversarial you and your spouse are will depend on the nature of your relationship and the inherent power dynamics<\/a>. Many people today choose to represent themselves because they may lack the financial resources to retain counsel, or they are scared that the lawyers will cost a fortune and upset the delicate balance they\u2019ve managed to create with their soon-to-be former spouse.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The first thing to keep in mind if you decide to take things into your own hands is that being your own lawyer is not a substitute for actual legal advice. Every state has a different set of laws on divorce, separation, child custody and support, and division of property and alimony.<\/p>\n You will be held to the same standard as lawyers in your jurisdiction when representing yourself. You need to understand the rules and the law, even though you are not a lawyer. You should go online and download your state\u2019s laws on these subjects (or go to your state\u2019s judiciary home page, where perhaps the family law forms and information are available for you to review).\u00a0<\/p>\n It is important to have a sense of the legal framework in which to discuss these issues with your spouse and know what to expect from your jurisdiction (i.e., the place you live and where your divorce will be legally and formally resolved). Research the law of domestic relations to educate yourself about which factors the courts consider in a custody case, which factors apply to dividing the property and alimony<\/a>, and how child support is calculated, for example.<\/p>\n What the online forms won\u2019t explain, however, is some of the more subtle nuances for you to consider, or what to do if you can\u2019t agree on the value of an asset, for example, or whether your state is an equitable distribution state, a community property state, or a separate property state. This is where consulting with a family law attorney could help clear up areas of confusion without taking over your case.\u00a0 Some lawyers offer a free half-hour consultation, others offer a more detailed consultation and charge for their time. Decide what you need.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Related Reading:<\/strong> Divorce Counseling: Considering Divorce And Feeling Lost? Here\u2019s Help!<\/a><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Representing yourself has its pros and cons. On the pro side, it gives you a lot of autonomy and it is the least expensive option. On the con side, you are not a lawyer, and yet you will be expected by the court system to behave as if you were.<\/p>\n Here\u2019s how a typical case moves through the family court system: Where I practice, it starts when someone files a summons and complaint for divorce. One person is the plaintiff and the other, the defendant. It doesn\u2019t matter who files first, and just because you are the defendant in the case, doesn\u2019t mean you are considered the wrong guy<\/a> or the person at fault. Divorce cases are civil in nature, not criminal. It is just part of the adversarial process that the first one to the courthouse to file the complaint is the \u201cplaintiff,\u201d and the other person is the \u201cdefendant.\u201d Being the \u201cdefendant\u201d in a divorce does not make you a criminal.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The defendant then must file an answer to the complaint and, usually, a counterclaim for divorce. Once the answer is filed, the case receives a docket number. This number is how the court keeps track of your papers. Everything you send to the court should have the docket number on it, and you must send a copy of anything that you file with the court to the other side.<\/p>\n You may have to attend a court-ordered class or two. In Vermont, if you choose to represent yourself, you are required to take an hour-long pro se education class, and if you have children, you must take a class about helping children cope with the effects of divorce. It is four hours long, you must pay a fee for the class, and it is mandatory. While a parenting class might seem onerous, it can be a helpful reminder to think about the effect divorce is having on your children.\u00a0<\/p>\n The course is geared toward parenting minor children, but the impact of divorce on older and adult children is also significant. A great resource for the emotional impact of divorce on adult children, is Home Will Never be the Same Again<\/a>. If your state offers or requires classes, make sure that you sign up early and go together so that you hear the same information at the same time.<\/p>\n If you have completed all the paperwork before filing for divorce, then I recommend having it all reviewed by an attorney before you file it with the court, to avoid any common mistakes that the lawyer could spot quickly. If you file first and negotiate second, then you will likely be required to attend some type of case manager conference. The case manager is there as an early monitor to assess whether you can reach an agreement or whether you will need court time to resolve your dispute, whether it is about custody, temporary possession of the home, temporary support (child and\/or spousal), payment of the bills upon separation, etc.\u00a0<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The case manager conference comes up relatively quickly, and some pressure is put upon you to \u201csettle\u201d the issues. (It is safe to say that all family courts across the country are overburdened with cases, the judiciary budgets are insufficient to meet the needs of the people, there are not enough judges or staff, and court time is at a premium. Hence the rise of mandatory mediation. Remember to be kind and patient to court staff.<\/p>\n\n
Are You Serving Yourself?<\/h2>\n