Are you dealing with a guy who is confused about his feelings for you?
It’s not a fun experience.
But don’t be too sad right now, because with some clarity you can at least move forward with confidence and stop wasting your time being confused about his confusion.
Let’s get started.
Why Would A Guy Be Confused About His Feelings For You?
There are palatable and non palatable reasons as to why a guy would be confused about his feelings for you.
Let’s get the non palatable reasons out of the way first. A guy would be confused about his feelings for you because:
- He’s not actually confused about his feelings for you. Instead he uses the word confused to hide his true intentions, which is to keep you around (not lose you) whilst looking for his one and only.
- He’s not in love with you, but finds you attractive enough to have sex with.
- He’s a hot and cold guy who is manipulating your feelings.
- The relationship lacks emotional connection and emotional attraction (one or both).
Now let’s get into the more acceptable (less painful) reasons as to why would a guy be confused about his feelings for you:
- He has avoidant attachment style and errs on the side of emotional detachment. This emotional detachment makes him resistant to falling in love and being vulnerable to you in a relationship. This resistance is what he describes as “confusion”, perhaps because he’s not self aware enough to notice his own emotional unavailability and emotional blockages.
- He doesn’t want to lose control in a relationship and so resists and fights his feelings.
- There are people working behind the scenes to brainwash him into thinking you’re a bad catch.
- He had bad role models for healthy relationships growing up and so runs away from true love, believing it to be “fake”, or wrong in some way.
- You might have insecure attachment, leading to you giving him mixed signals or acting in ways that push him away and sabotage the relationship.
None of these reasons, no matter how understandable they may be, feel good for you as a woman.
This is a difficult situation to be in and I really don’t want you to buy into his confusion, unless you have good reasons to in your unique case.
The best way to avoid buying into it is to get educated on what his confusion really means, without the BS and without the lies.
The next step is to get clear on the signs of confusion within him.
Here are the signs a guy is confused about his feelings for you.
(By the way, you can also check how committed he is to you by using our quick and easy quiz)…
Sign #1: He Only Comes To The Relationship To Take
If you feel like he’s always taking from you, it could be a low key sign he’s confused about his feelings.
A guy who always takes from you and doesn’t make you feel valued or cherished is likely playing the “confused” card in order to get access to things he wants.
This may sound dark and toxic, and that’s because it is.
But human nature isn’t always light and fairy-like.
Men (and women) come to get what they want at any cost quite often.
The thing you need to think about is, do you want to stay in this less than ideal position?
Do you want to sit there confused about a guy because he’s confused about you?
You probably don’t. There’s nothing worse than a guy leeching off you for your value.
And if you want to stay high value when a guy keeps coming to the relationship to take, here are two simple words you can say to him to ensure that you’ll look high value:
Sign #2: He Goes Hot And Cold…A Lot.
Of all the signs he’s confused about his feelings, this is the cardinal one.
A confused man will act cold sometimes and hot the next. Mainly because he doesn’t want to go too deeply into the relationship with you.
He doesn’t want to commit to you, but he doesn’t want to fully leave you either.
Talk about confusion!
A hot and cold guy could be consciously doing that to keep you hooked, or he could be going hot and cold because he’s insecurely attached.
This means he’s swinging from wanting intimacy and a relationship one minute, to pushing intimacy away the next.
How very frustrating and confusing.
For more information of men going hot and cold (and the 9 main reasons why they do this), see this video my husband and I made on the topic.
Sign #3: He Says He Feels Like Something Is Missing
…Which would be emotional attraction and/or emotional connection.
If he indicates that he can’t shake the feeling that something is missing and it bothers him, it’s one of these two things.
And he can’t articulate what it is (like a lot of men can’t), so he gets confused.
In order for you to build a strong long term relationship with a man, you both need to feel lots of emotional connection and emotional attraction in the relationship.
Even if one of these is abundant in the relationship, if the other is missing, it won’t be enough for him to commit to you.
You need high amounts of both emotional attraction and emotional connection.
Sign #4: He’s Not Showing His Vulnerable Side
A confused man will not be able to be vulnerable with you very often.
Confusion usually leads a man to be preoccupied. This preoccupation means he can’t offer you the vulnerability that’s necessary for a relationship to blossom
He might be vulnerable enough to tell you that he’s confused, but that’s not really vulnerable.
Real vulnerability from a man is him making himself vulnerable to you through his actions.
- Caring about your feelings (listening to your feelings and acting upon how you feel. In other words, adjusting his behavior to your feelings.)
- Giving you his time and energy when he has other pressing obligations (and when it’s hard to give his time and energy)
- Committing to you
Sign #5: You’re In A Situationship
A situationship is a relationship that isn’t defined.
You don’t know what you are, and neither does he.
You both may act romantic sometimes and hang out together when it suits you both, but there’s never any real emotional commitment from him.
And somehow you know in your gut that he’s not loyal to you.
If you’re not quite sure whether you’re actually in a situationship or not, here are all the signs you’re in one.
A guy who hasn’t developed feelings of romantic love towards you may prefer to keep you in a situationship, as it serves him.
He gets the value of you being available whenever he wants, whilst not having to offer you any true value in the relationship in return.
Sign #6: He Pulls Away Suddenly
…And doesn’t care how pulling away may affect you, or only comes back when he wants something.
To be honest, all men pull away at some point (or at least women perceive it that way).
Whether they pull away for hours, days, weeks or months, it’s no different – men pull away.
This is because they need to due to the fact that when they’re in their masculine energy, they block out people’s feelings.
It’s not conscious either.
It’s just their mechanism.
Conversely, you as a feminine woman find it difficult to ignore how you – or those close to you – are feeling.
Because this is where your feminine gifts lie: in nurturing and in responding to those you’re in a relationship with.
By the way, would you like to discover how naturally feminine you actually are? Find out for yourself with our quiz:
Regardless, if your confused guy seems to pull away very suddenly, and he does this a lot, it may be because he finds his own confusion hard to ignore.
It’s also due to preoccupation with the inevitable: that he has to figure out or “confront” how he really feels about you at some point.
Not in the least because you’re pressing him for it (or because you need him to work it out for the sake of your relationship.)
Sign #7: He Dodges The Topic of The Future
A lot of guys do this anyway. But a guy with confused feelings will do this all the time.
And you will really feel it. In other words, he will actively avoid having those conversations with you.
He doesn’t want to deal with it.
Another aspect to this sign is that he may use you as a scapegoat.
So instead of being truthful about his lack of intent to be with you in the future, he’ll bring up your (perceived) shortcomings to avoid dealing with your need for security in the future.
These shortcomings don’t even have to be real. They could be the most stupid things, such as the fact that you need to fix your grammar before you can have a future together.
Talk about toxic!
Sign #8: He Is More Drawn To His Addictions Than Ever
So one of the subtle signs he is confused about his feelings for you is that he is gravitating more and more towards addictions.
If your guy isn’t addicted to anything such as alcohol, cigarettes, drugs or porn, this doesn’t apply.
But if he is (or has been in the past), then his confusion around his feelings for you may lead him to fall back onto these addictions to cope.
If a guy has many different feelings or even other people competing against his romance with you, then he won’t feel very in control or manly.
For some men, addictions will give him an outlet to escape (or perhaps even to feel more in control of his feelings).
So look out for increased addictive behaviors, as it could be one of the low key signs he’s confused about you.
Sign #9: He Gets Stressed When You Bring Up The Topic Of Commitment
There’s avoiding the topics of commitment, and then there’s stress.
If he visibly gets stressed when you try to discuss taking the relationship to the next level, he could be feeling incapable of solving the problem.
This lack of capability to solve the issues you are having and the uncertainty you as a woman feel about the future could make some guys stressed.
You’ll see signs he’s stressed when you bring up the future such as:
- Sighing a lot
- Pacing up and down
- Crossing his arms
- Rapid breathing
- Maybe even anger outbursts
He may want to commit to you and give you what you need, but not feel entirely sure that you’re “the one” for him.
There is one specific emotional trigger within every masculine man that inspires him to want to commit to one woman for life, though.
Sign #10: He’s Got Multiple Personalities (Dissociative Identity Disorder)
This is a weird (and scary) one, so bear with me.
A guy could have multiple personalities, which is a psychiatric disorder called Dissociative Identity Disorder (Multiple Personality Disorder), and this could lead him to seem confused about his feelings.
I would argue that he may not feel confused most of the time, since he’s mostly emotionally detached from his emotions and surroundings.
But he will definitely come across as confused, and his behavior will definitely confuse you.
So why is this one of the signs a guy is confused about his feelings for you?
Because he has multiple personalities, and one personality may genuinely like you, while another couldn’t care less about you.
This is obviously not ideal for you.
Especially since dissociative disorders like multiple personality disorder arise due to trauma.
By being with him, you’re kind of experiencing second hand trauma.
You may love him though, which adds another layer of difficulty to the situation!
If you notice this sign, just be careful.
Though a guy might be traumatised, there’s that slight possibility that he might also be dangerous.
Sign #11: He Avoids Meeting Your Friends And Family
When humans are confused and lacking direction in something, we may try to avoid anything that could make him confront that confusion.
Your friends and family may pick up on his ambiguity and expose his uncertainty somehow.
So why would he want to meet them or spend time with them?
Sign #11:2He’s Fighting His Feelings For You (Because Love Scares Him)
It’s not common for a guy to fight his feelings for you, but it does happen on occasion.
It may happen simply because he doesn’t like being vulnerable, and he doesn’t want to surrender to love.
Because love might mean pain or even responsibility to him.
Let’s be honest here though:
A guy who is truly in love will usually get over this rather quickly. Most humans aren’t going to actively sabotage their chances with their one and only like that.
If he is doing it though, it’s likely because he has intense fears, insecure attachment style or trauma growing up.
Sign #13: He’s Generally A Weak Guy
This isn’t a direct sign he’s confused about his feelings for you, it’s more of a cause of his confusion.
But confusion can be evident pretty quickly when you’re lacking in masculine energy and integrity as a man.
If he’s a wishy washy guy, he may be too weak (and lacking in masculine direction) to tell things to you straight.
Instead of being up front and trustworthy (a man of his word), he’ll just let himself be unreliable and not give a damn about how it affects your life.
Sign #14: He Wants To See Other Women
…Even if he won’t admit it.
Look at his actions. Is he actively looking for attention from other attractive women?
Is he always checking out other women when he’s with you?
Does he try to sneak in a cheeky flirt with other women when you’re out together?
If so, he may be a really confused guy.
Sign #15: You Get The Feeling He’s With You Because You Like Him
This is called reciprocal liking.
There’s scientific evidence telling us that we are more likely to “like” and even fall in love with someone who likes us.
So if you liked him before he liked you, and you know that on some level you subconsciously pursued a relationship with him, he may like you too.
But this doesn’t always work fully in your favour, because he may not like you in return nearly as much as you like him.
But if you know that you liked him first, then he may feel a “pull” towards you because it was evident that you like him. And that’s attractive to us.
We like people who like us!
But he’ll also be grappling with that niggling feeling inside that it’s not “real” love for him.
In other words, he sort of does like you, but he’s not in love with you.
The feeling of love may not be authentic nor strong enough for him to pursue a committed relationship with you.
But he still likes you.
Sign #16: He Tells You That You Confuse Him
Yep. Your own confusing actions may lead him to doubt his feelings for you.
If you’re hot and cold or playing manipulative games with him, then he will respond to that consciously and unconsciously.
And one of the ways he will respond to that is by becoming confused and unsure about you.
Your actions may indeed put a dampener on his feelings for you.
Sign #17: He Says He Doesn’t Trust You
…Or that you’re not committed to him.
If your actions don’t inspire trust in a man, his feelings will slowly fade away over time.
Of course, they may not fade away entirely, initially.
So he’ll be fighting his feelings a bit. On the one hand, he really does love you and may even idealize your love together.
On the other, the reality is that he can see that you’re bad for him, so he might hesitate to escalate things.
High value men don’t want to be with women they can’t trust. It’s a warning sign of bad things to come.
Sign #18: His Body Language Betrays His Confusion
How to tell if a guy is confused?
Well, if his body movements always seem a bit jerky when you’re alone together, or if he spends considerable time avoiding eye contact with you, he may be confused.
Life is tough as a confused man, so he may go inward to try to work out his own feelings.
Another sign of body language that betrays confusion is him seemingly wanting to show you affection, but pulling back as he reaches in to touch you.
There are 7 common signs a woman is perceived as low value to all men, because men simply perceive value differently to women. Do you know what these signs are and how to avoid them like the plague? CLICK HERE to download this special report.
Sign #19: You Leave Dates With A Weird And Confusing Feeling
If spending time on dates with him makes you leave feeling all weird, icky and confused, you could simply be dealing with a confused man.
It’s natural that if a man is confused about his feelings for you, that his actions will make you feel uncomfortable and eventually, confused as well.
It’s just reciprocation. It’s your natural reaction to his behavior.
Sign #20: He Is Sending Mixed Signals
Sometimes men can feel love for you, but be attached to another woman.
Or he can feel lust for you, but be attached to someone else.
Married men especially may have this issue. So if you’re seeing a married man, listen up.
He may be attached to his wife, but feel lust or even simple love for you.
It’s actually quite hard grappling with feelings of attachment for one woman and love for another.
Love is not enough, but neither is attachment.
Only romantic love will be enough for him to commit to you, because it is when a man has romantic feelings for you that he sees you as his one and only.
Until then, you’ll be in the “one of many” category.
The good news is that you can increase your chances of being any man’s one and only if you understand the concept and what makes men fall in love.
(The promise of this course is for you to have your chosen man fall in love with you & beg you to be his one & only by embodying these 5 feminine secrets, even if he’s been distant, avoidant, or losing interest…)
Sign #21: He Forgets Your Plans
A man who is really into you and who respects you will really look forward to plans you have made in advance.
He’ll want to be with you and spend time with you. He may even make sure your plans are still on.
However, it’s the opposite for a guy who is confused about his feelings for you.
He may sort of like you, but not enough to make you important in his life or to commit your scheduled plans to memory.
Sign #22: He Resents You
Yes, a guy who is confused about his feelings may even act resentful towards you, due to:
- Losing respect for himself by continually coming back to a woman he doesn’t really value
- Or due to you constantly needing more from him than what he can offer
All these contradicting feelings he has will eventually become exhausting. And he may show signs he resents you.
Signs he resents you are:
- Being curt with you
- Hanging up on you
- Speaking in a gruff or sardonic tone
Sign #23: He’s Abusive Sometimes
Before I get into this one, it’s important for me to state that emotionally healthy and mature guys aren’t as likely to become abusive.
But guys with low self esteem are.
So if your guy is confused about his feelings for you and he has low self esteem (not an unlikely combination), he may start abusing you physically and emotionally.
Ideally, he’d just break up with you. But he can’t, because he enjoys the variety of being with you (and perhaps the sex).
But at the same time, he may secretly hate you, and hate himself for being so all over the place.
So he takes it out on you.
He may even be feeling guilty for using you, and can’t bring himself to feel it, so he gets angry and abusive towards you instead.
If this is you in this situation, I recommend you see it for what it is: a toxic relationship with a man who has zero respect for you, or for what you’ve given him.
Sign #24: He Acts Differently When You’re In A Group Setting
A man who is confused may not be proud of the fact that he’s confused, because he knows it’s not a positive trait to have.
So he may try to uphold a certain image when you’re in public or in a group setting, and be a totally different person when you’re alone together.
Sign #25: He Doesn’t Spend His Holidays With You
The less sure he is about his feelings, the less he’ll want to invest in you, and the less he’ll want to give up his vacation time to be with you.
He may feel like it’s not worth it when there are so many other things he can do.
On the other hand, a guy who is sure about you, will spend time with you during holidays and even when it’s not convenient for him.
Sign #26: He Doesn’t Care About The Things You Tell Him
If he has ambiguous feelings, chances are that he won’t be able to be fully emotionally connected and emotionally committed to you.
This lack of emotional commitment will manifest in how little he truly engages with you.
He won’t listen as much, and you’ll feel like he doesn’t really care about the things you tell him.
He also won’t care much for your feelings.
How to Make A Confused Man Want You?
This depends on whether you want him to want you sexually (and desire you sexually) or whether you want him to emotionally commit to you.
It’s not hard to get any man to want you sexually. You trigger sexual desire in him through showing up as the type of woman who desires him, and who triggers thoughts of sex.
You should also use attraction triggers to make his blood boil for you.
(The promise of this course is for you to discover the 17 Attraction Triggers that are guaranteed to make almost any man you wish to never look at another woman ever again.)
If you want a little more than just sexual desire from him, you have to trigger his desire to commit.
In order to do that, you have to exhibit certain high value traits. Because men give their commitment to (throw their commitment at, really) to the woman they perceive as high value.
Here are the some important ways to exhibit high value to men:
- Show and embody high value vulnerability (Learn more about this powerful emotional trigger here).
- Build emotional attraction and emotional connection with him
- Show up as the one and only woman (never the one of many. Because once men place you in this category, they’ll give you crumbs).
What To Do If A guy Is Confused About His Feelings
Like I said at the start of this piece, don’t buy into the confusion.
Confusion is usually a manifestation of other deeper issues that you don’t want to ignore.
Even if he’s genuinely confused due to past trauma or insecure attachment patterns, you need to not let the topic of confusion get in the way of your clarity in the situation (which you should have by now, since you’ve read this article).
Look at what his actions are really telling you.
Look at the lack of commitment.
Ask yourself if you can live with that.
Ask yourself if you can tolerate that and still keep your self respect intact.
If the answer is no, then you need to either one of three things:
- Walk away
- Build emotional attraction and emotional connection with him (some relationships lack one or both of these crucial elements, which leads to him being confused about you); or
- Stay and help him overcome his personal issues (only if you intimately know him and truly believe that this is the root cause of his actions).
As for which option you should choose, you will have to dig deep within and ask yourself the tough questions to figure that out.
Don’t be afraid of the truth.
Because the truth will open new doors for you, no matter how painful.
I hope that my article has helped steer you in the direction that is right for you.
Please leave a comment below, I’d love to hear from you!
Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
Connect deeper with her work through the social media links below.