If I pull away from him will he want me more?
This is a question many women have asked themselves when they feel a man’s interest waning.
The short answer is no.
Pulling away from a man doesn’t make him want you more by default.
In fact, if a man doesn’t see value in you, he’ll be glad you’re pulling away.
Having said that, I know a lot of people would disagree with me. They will say that pulling away “works” to make him want you more.
But it’s a last resort.
Because if you have to pull away to make a guy want you, then there was no real romantic connection to begin with.
In other words, he didn’t really fall in love with you.
Any couple who are deeply in love with each other can attest to this:
A man who’s in love with a woman will want you regardless of whether you’re with him often or whether you’re absent emotionally or physically (pulling away).
Be aware though, that I am referring to romantic love, not mad lust or infatuation.
The bottom line:
If pulling away is the deciding factor of whether he will come back or not, that’s not love.
That’s an empty game of cat and mouse between a man and a woman who aren’t meant for each other.
But they still want attention and company from the opposite sex of course!
Will Distancing Myself Bring Him Closer?
A lot of women want to know whether being distant makes a man come closer to them.
It doesn’t romantically or emotionally.
It might bring him closer when he wants something from you (like sex or attention) and is afraid of losing it.
But that’s not real value for you as a woman.
Real value is when he wants to commit to you emotionally.
And distancing yourself is no way – I repeat, no way – to bring him closer emotionally or romantically.
In fact, distancing yourself can create deep disconnects and make him lose trust in you.
If you want to distance yourself because you’ve been chasing him and want to stop that, then the way to go about it is not just to distance yourself.
Rather, it’s in simply not constantly chasing him and instead, finding other avenues to gain or create value in your own life.
If you truly want to bring him closer, try these game changing ways to build emotional connection with a man.
And if you’d like to discover how to inspire real emotional commitment from a man, the answer is in inspiring him to feel emotional attraction for you.
There is one specific emotional trigger you can use that will make him feel deep emotional attraction for you, would you like to find out what this one emotional trigger is?
Just because you’re “hard to get”, doesn’t mean you’re valuable.
That may sound harsh, like I’m telling you that if a guy doesn’t want you, then you must not be “enough”.
That’s not true.
You are plenty enough. You are as worthy as they come, otherwise you wouldn’t have been born into this world.
Just by being born you are worthy.
But the painful truth is that the less value we offer, the less men want us, and vice versa.
Some of us simply offer more value than others, by virtue of being:
- Securely attached
- Understanding; and
- Physically and emotionally healthy
Just as an example, a lot of women aren’t attracted to boring men.
Boring men just don’t have a lot to offer a woman in a relationship or in the bedroom.
Conversely, men who are fun, playful, funny, energetic, healthy and full of integrity and masculine direction are naturally higher value.
They offer any red blooded woman a lot more than other boring men who might even make you prefer to watch plants grow.
I explain more about the concept of why playing hard to get doesn’t change how valuable you are in my article How to Make Him Chase You And Value You [High Value Women Secrets].
But now let’s get back to the original question of how to pull away to make him want you, because there is some advice I can give you around this idea.
Pulling away should never be about pulling away love, punishing a man or gaining power.
Pulling away can simply be a chance to take a break and build your value as a woman.
(Just with no intent to cause hurt or gain power).
But in the process of pulling away, you have to consciously focus on value, because that’s where everything lies.
For example, you can pull away to:
Just be aware that these things come with a conscious willingness and effort though.
They don’t just “come” as a natural consequence of you pulling away from a man.
Would you like to know how to stay as a high value woman when he pulls away?
CLICK here to discover the secret to showing up & staying as a high value woman when your man pulls away, (…so that he can come back to you with more interest, more desire & more appreciation for you.)
What Happens to A Man When A Woman Pulls Away?
Just so you get an idea of the consequences of you pulling away from a guy, let’s look at what happens to a man when a woman pulls away.
What happens to a man depends on these factors:
- Whether he was in love with you or not
- How desperate he is for attention and sex
- How many options he has
- How much attraction and connection he felt for you
- How attached he was to you
- Whether he’s a toxic, manipulative narcissist
A lot of these things overlap and blend into each other, but there’s no one strict answer to what happens to a man when a woman pulls away.
You must consider the context before you can gain a truthful answer.
Because if you don’t, you’ll get fluff or some nonsense answer that’s designed to distract you from what’s real.
So here are a few things that happen to a man when you pull away in specific contexts:
Context #1: If He Was In Love With You
- He feels your absence immediately and wants to do whatever it takes to “claim” you again and own your soul
- He feels hurt
- He wonders what on earth happened
- He considers how he can make you happy in order to bring you back into the relationship
Context #2: If You Were Just Casual Sex Partners (No Emotional Commitment)
- He thinks about the fact that he lost access to sex, but thinks “whatever” and starts to:
- Seek the attention of other women
- Look for sex elsewhere
- He might feel like he lost your attention and tries to get you back through minimal effort
- He tries to get you into bed again using charm, lies and good looks
- He might feel relieved that you’ve pulled away, as this gives him space to pursue a woman he is deeply in love with
Context #3: He Was Attached to You, But Not In Love
- He feels sad and wants to keep you around so that he doesn’t have to feel the pain of breaking off the attachment
- He wonders if he hurt you
- He wants to see how you’re feeling and if there’s anything he can do to make it better
Context #4: He’s A Toxic, Manipulative Narcissist
- He feels angry and will try to hurt you back
- He will tarnish your reputation and spread horrible rumours about you to make himself look good
- He will aggressively try to guilt you into re-entering his life
- He will blame you for all the problems that ever happened in the relationship
- He might feign illness, depression or emotional pain to make you feel bad enough that you want to “help” him and then he will have you back in his life
So that is what happens to a man when a woman pulls away in some different contexts.
Ultimately you need to work out the unique circumstances of your relationship and do the following:
- Work out what his intentions were with you from the start; and
- Be honest with yourself about how pulling away from him will affect him and whether it would damage the relationship irreparably
Going back to what I said before, there is a way to pull away that may make him want you, but the “benefits” of you pulling away don’t just happen as a result of you pulling away.
They happen as a result of you making the conscious effort to build the important aspects of the relationship.
Aspects such as attraction and connection – the two most crucial things in any relationship.
If a guy was only into you casually to begin with, none of this will have any lasting effect. Ie: it won’t make him come back for good.
If your relationship with him was just based on sex and there was no emotional commitment to begin with, the following methods might help you increase the chances of him falling in love with you…
But these factors will only have a lasting and valuable effect if he was already in love.
Since you’re already at a point in the relationship where he’s losing interest or pulling away (and you’re trying to work out whether you should pull away to make him want you), we have to accept that we’re working with some deficits here.
Not only that, but even if there’s no specific negative history in the relationship, it still wasn’t built on strong enough foundations to make him fall in love.
In other words, don’t expect to change the nature of the connection you had with him.
Here’s a quick lesson on why:
It’s because men place the women they date into two baskets:
- The one and only basket; and
- The one of many basket
And if he only ever saw you as “one of many” women in his life, he’ll likely only ever see you that way.
There is a chance that you can make him see you as one and only and fall in love – but you have to work hard at it and realize that the chance is small given the history.
(The better solution would have been to make sure you ended up in the “one and only” basket from the start) – and if you were not in that basket, to eliminate the guy and move on quickly.
By the way, if you would like to learn how to show up as any man’s one and only and make him fall madly in love, grab a copy of my “Becoming His One and Only” Program.
(The promise of this course is for you to have your chosen man fall in love with you & beg you to be his one & only by embodying these 5 feminine secrets, even if he’s been distant, avoidant, or losing interest…)
How to Pull Away to Make Him Want You
Step #1: Build Your Feminine Energy
This can increase your chances of creating intimacy and polarity in the relationship, which is a type of value in itself.
Here’s how you do it:
- Spend time in nature
- Enjoy feeling the pleasure and sensitivity in your body
- Dance to music and let your body move in the way it wants to move
- Let yourself move away from looking for solutions and into the flow of your body’s sensations
- Allow yourself to be vulnerable (to life and to your emotions)
Step #2: Process Unresolved Emotions
This means to let yourself feel all of the unresolved emotions that came with being with this man.
Did you sense that he wasn’t committed but didn’t allow yourself to fully feel it?
If so, feel it now.
Do you feel that your man is trying in the relationship, but you’re not noticing that or appreciating the small ways he does try to communicate with you or make things better?
If so, then try to acknowledge and allow yourself to feel the relief and appreciation.
Step #3: Give Him Much Needed Space
If you want to know how to pull away to make him want you, then this is one of the more natural ways:
If he was the one who needed space, then just give it to him!
You don’t have to hang on for dear life, because if he asked for space then he most likely means that he needed space.
So, allow him that space.
You are not his bodyguard, mother or interrogator.
You are meant to be a woman who adds value to his life.
Step #4: Offer Him The Opportunity to Appreciate You More
This is a flow-on step from step number 3.
If you’re willing to give him space, then watch it give him the opportunity to appreciate you more through your absence.
If you find that you do this and he shows no signs of appreciating you more, then well done – you may have just eliminated the man who was wrong for you.
Step #5: Build Your Value
Don’t just pull away to feel powerful in the relationship, because it doesn’t work.
It’s a fake solution to a genuine problem that may not even have a solution.
Ie: if the relationship was built on weak foundations to begin with, you’re unlikely to build a strong one now.
Especially not by just pulling away.
Most women pull away to try to gain more power in the relationship, and this ends up being the exact thing that spells the end of the relationship.
Which I guess is a good thing if you are ok with seeing the end of the relationship play out.
But if you want to add value to the relationship and try to make it work with this guy, don’t pull away to make him want you more.
Pull away to bring value to the relationship by taking all of the previous 4 steps I’ve mentioned, as well as building your intrinsic value.
To do this, you’ll need to:
- Find ways to cultivate playfulness within yourself
- Build the three areas of value as a woman;
- Become more feminine (and in the process, avoid these myths of what it means to become more feminine).
- Learn to banter. Bantering is the secret skill of connecting with men that most anxiously attached, insecure women avoid like the plague. They are afraid of it, they judge it as immature, and they run the other way.
Usually because they never had the opportunity to develop beyond their fears and cultivate a beautiful playfulness in their personality.
A playfulness which by its very nature, makes men fall head over heels in love.
Playfulness is the precursor to emotional attraction.
So, use it to your benefit, and cultivate the courage you need in order to start to banter with your man (or with men in general).
And if you’d like to get FREE samples of banter lines as well as a lesson on how to develop the skill of banter, take my husband David’s free high value banter class here.
Sit Back And Let Him Come To You: Is There Truth In This?
This is the same theory behind “leaning back” to make him come to you.
And those of you who know my work would know my thoughts on this already.
But if you’re unfamiliar, here’s what I believe:
Being passive is not a good way to be successful in love.
What does sitting back accomplish other than making yourself scarce to a man?
As I explain in my article “Don’t Text Him And He Will Text You: True Or False?”, making yourself scarce doesn’t make you more valuable.
Sitting back is passive and fearful. It’s what you do when you:
- Want more power (and therefore only inspire a power struggle in your relationship)
- are scared of taking risks; and
- Scared of looking like you’re chasing
While I understand you wanting to sit back and let him come to you instead of chasing, it’s not a real solution.
It’s an attempt to avoid looking a certain way.
Simply be a woman of value to men and you won’t have to “avoid” doing this and doing that, including reaching out to a man.
Because you’ll be able to reach out in a way that actually adds real value.
There are 7 common signs a woman is perceived as low value to all men, because men simply perceive value differently to women. Do you know what these signs are and how to avoid them like the plague? CLICK HERE to download this special report.
If your man is pulling away or losing interest right now, then don’t start pulling away cold turkey.
That’s a power struggle. It’s not smart and it’s not real long-term thinking.
(This kind of behavior can also make you feel guilty in the long run, because you know you’re not being authentic.)
Instead, follow the steps above and if you don’t bring this man back to you, at least you would have added real value to yourself which will help you attract a man who truly is in love with you and ready to give you a committed relationship.
By the way, one thing you may want to do is work out how likely this man is to commit to you.
You can do that with our easy and free quiz:
Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
Connect deeper with her work through the social media links below.