Many women ask the question “why men won’t commit to me?”
This article will give you a guy’s perspective on why some men find it hard to, or don’t want to commit.
First of all, we have to look at what a committed relationship means to most guys.
Let’s take you out of the equation for a minute, and just consider the general idea of a committed relationship.
What does commitment entail for a man?
In a nutshell, it requires giving up an enormous proportion of his time, energy, money and emotional resources.
Of course, some guys give up more of these things than others inside of a long term relationship or marriage.
Regardless, that’s what the concept of commitment entails for men. (And women, too. But here we’re discussing why men won’t commit).
Before you proceed to roll your eyes at how immature it is of men to feel resistant to giving up all the mentioned things (time, energy money and emotional resources), let me ask you a few questions…
Would you love to commit to a $3,000 a month mortgage?
Would you love to commit to taking the trash out every week?
Would you love to commit to doing the dish washing every single day?
What about cleaning the toilets?
In all the above questions, the word commit has a very obligatory undertone.
It almost feels like committing to something would mean that we are obligated to do something and we would therefore have to surrender our own freedom.
The word commitment almost has a feel of “I don’t really want to do this, but I have to, or I should but it’s not going to be the most pleasant experience.”
Obligation, or the feeling of obligation, is one major reason why men won’t commit.
Why Won’t He Commit To Me?
Let’s talk about the idea of “got to do” something versus “get to do” something…
Feeling like you’re obligated to do something never feels that good, right?
Life is a lot more fun when you get to do something, not when you got to do something! Men know this subconsciously.
One of the biggest desires for men, regardless of tradition or culture, is freedom.
The Masculine energy strives to break free and experience freedom. It wants release from the constraints of life.
Some men fight for their whole lives for freedom, and to experience freedom.
Usually once they find that sense of freedom, they would never let it go.
Why Men Won’t Commit: Obligation Murders Freedom
When we love to do something, it is never an obligation.
You don’t ever hear men complaining about going to golf – but work is a different matter.
More people die on Monday mornings at 9am than any other time in the week, for example. Coincidence?
Tell me ladies, is it easy or hard to commit to a shopping spree?
What about committing to washing the dishes every day? Is there a difference?
What Does It Really Mean For A Man To Commit To A Woman?
From a man’s perspective, he would have to buy stuff for you, spend lots of money, (it’s not so bad if he’s got the money to spend, but if he doesn’t…), spend time with you listening to all the good and bad stuff that you have to say, spend time when you request his presence etc.
From his perspective, he will have to fork out all these resources that he may not even feel like he has.
So the question he will ask, (consciously or subconsciously), is whether you are worth all this or not.
Some men just don’t want to deal with the excess baggage that women sometimes carry.
And who would?
It’s a burden on one’s life. This burden and the thought of it, can be a scary thing for a man to deal with.
The thought of dealing with excess baggage, or a woman’s complaints and constant dissatisfaction and need for him doesn’t make the man feel good whilst being with you.
And the last thing you want to create for him is a terrible association with you and the thought of you.
It all goes back to men and their desire to feel free.
None of this sounds good to you as a woman, I’m sure. After all, we all want someone to love us. Preferably unconditionally, right?
But we have to consider what we’re asking of men here, before we can truly solve the problem and get him to commit to you.
Should Men Just “Grow Up” & Be More Responsible?
So for a lot of women who are in the situation where he won’t commit – the question naturally becomes, shouldn’t men just grow up?
Shouldn’t they just be more responsible and stop being little boys in big boys’ clothing?
Well, my question to you is: do you want to be a “responsibility”?
Or would you rather be something precious that he can’t help but want to hold on to, cherish and take care of?
In other words, his one and only woman?
While you’re reading this, and feeling that perhaps men are not willing to GROW UP, just remember, it has nothing to do with growing up.
It is men’s desire for freedom. If they didn’t desire it, they wouldn’t be men, and you wouldn’t feel attraction for them in the first place.
As hard as it may be for you to accept men’s desire for freedom, you will get closer to getting him to commit if you can.
Because when you can accept and better still, appreciate this desire for freedom in men, you can at least be on the same page as him.
And when you’re on the same page, he will feel more connected to you, and therefore perceive more value in committing to you.
CLICK HERE to discover the ONE PHRASE you can say to ANY man that will capture his attention, trigger his curiosity and make him hang onto every word you say! (Works like magic in a high vale non-needy way!)
Should You “Ask” Him To Commit To You?
The point is; if you want a man to commit, if you want a passionate, happy long-lasting relationship, don’t ask for your man to commit.
If you ask that of him, and he delivers this “commitment” even though he knows he will feel less freedom because of it, then you are taking away his masculinity and what makes you attracted to him in the first place.
By saying you’re taking that away, he’s really just surrendering it.
What will happen after a while, is that, sure he’s around you more often, but you’ll have less attraction for him.
You’ll have the security of his presence by your side, but you’re trading off the passion that you could create in the relationship.
There is NO commitment needed when you do the things you love to do. You just do it.
(Here’s a video David made on the 3 Reasons All Men Secretly Love To Commit.)
He Should Want To Devote Himself to You, Not “Commit” To You…
So instead of seeing this whole problem as how to get him to “commit”, see it as how you can have enough intrinsic value as a woman that he can’t help but devote himself to you.
That way, he won’t really notice what he’s doing so much. It’ll come naturally, and you won’t really have to ask for it.
MORE: Here are 10 signs of a commitment phobic man.
(By the way, I want to teach you 5 secrets to having your man fall deeply in love with you and beg you to be his one and only. These 5 secrets are inside of my new program. Click HERE to get yourself a copy!)
The Answer To The Problem…
So instead of asking the question of why men won’t commit, I suggest asking a better question.
Such as this…
“How can I create more passion and attraction between him and me, so that he won’t want to be anywhere else?”
“How can I build up the excitement and tension between him and I so that he would feel like never going anywhere else?”
The power you have is in the attraction you can create between him and you.
A man already has so many responsibilities and obligations, as well as demands on him in life that if YOU can be his source of freedom, then being with you will never feel like an obligation because there’s so much passion between you.
It’s a horrible thing for a man to go to work and then come home to yet another obligation.
I’m sure you sometimes feel the same, right?
With These Ingredients, He Wouldn’t Want To Go Anywhere Else…
If you created that passion and excitement between the both of you, he wouldn’t want to go anywhere else.
You certainly won’t have a problem with him committing; he’d love to be around you.
As I mentioned, when there’s enough passion in the relationship, he’ll naturally want a committed relationship with you.
But not just passion, but the following two crucial elements:
When he feels an abundance of these two things for you, it’d be a no brainer for him to commit.
In fact, you wouldn’t be asking “why men won’t commit”. Instead you’d be asking “why is he so into me?” and “why can’t he stay away from me?” (in a good way!)
What If He’s Got Other Priorities?
Some women assume that if a man has other priorities in his life, like kids from a previous marriage or a demanding ex wife, or even just a difficult boss and demanding job, that he won’t commit no matter what you do.
And there’s a little bit of truth to that.
Perhaps in older men who have seen what women can be like in relationships and have been hurt before.
But even in those jaded men, there’s a chance they can fall in love and feel emotional attraction and emotional connection.
Life isn’t quite “full” without those feelings in life (at least for a man).
See for yourself where the real value is: in the emotional connection and emotional attraction.
Just because you as a woman can get lazer-focused on “securing” that commitment, doesn’t mean a man perceives any value in that aim you have for yourself.
To him, that’s value-extracting.
What’s not value-extracting are the emotions of emotional connection and emotional attraction.
So make these things your main focus.
He’s Got Baggage: Is That A hindrance To Commitment?
When a man has baggage, it can make him less likely to fall in love with you, or any woman, really.
The burden of past trauma or even just having been really hurt before can make one more cynical and less trusting.
Not to mention less innocent.
This lack of innocence definitely makes falling in love harder for a man.
So if you see that your guy is really jaded or emotionally detached from you, it may be harder to get him to commit to you.
Get His Commitment The High Value Way
You may be wondering how you can really make him fall in love and see you as his one and only.
You start by taking your focus off making him commit and focus instead on showing up with high value vulnerability.
High value vulnerability is vulnerability that makes a man feel emotionally attracted and connected to you.
No, vulnerability is not a weakness. Even if you know that (as many people do these days), it doesn’t mean you practice vulnerability and show real vulnerability (from the perspective of a man).
Men need to feel you being vulnerable, and that’s why I teach this concept of “high value vulnerability”.
When you can embody high value vulnerability, he will see you as precious and cherish you in his life.
Being around you will make him feel more manly, masculine and needed.
Then he won’t see much value in other women. He’ll want to spend all his time with you.
Now you know why men won’t commit, try not to fear it. See it simply as something to understand.
When I say men desire freedom, many women imagine the worst: that men want to cheat on you and can never be faithful nor committed.
Of course they can!
They just have to see that you’re the right woman for them.
Because if you are showing up as the wrong woman for them, they’ll still keep you in their life, but they’ll never see enough value in you to commit.
To be the right woman, you simply need to show up as the one and only. The one he feels emotionally attracted and emotionally connected to.
What did you think of this article? Any opinion, thoughts, questions or objections, fire away!
This article is co-written by myself and my husband, David.
Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. Together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 15 million women through their free articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.
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